


he loves me not

by elibe



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 14:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20658476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elibe/pseuds/elibe
Summary: “Back in Xing, there was an old folk story they used to tell us as children,” Ling started, still watching the petals fall. “They said that if you love someone, you could pluck the petals from a flower to find out if they truly loved you back.”Edward stayed silent, so he turned to pick another flower, this one honey gold, the same as Ed’s eyes. “He loves me,” he said, and pulled a petal. “He loves me not.”





	he loves me not

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: edward and ling are dumbass boys in love
> 
> this has been in my drafts for a YEAR or so and i finally decided to finish it. hope you like it!!

_ I’m staying in Amestris. _

Ling had been running the words through his head all day, trying to figure out how to say them out loud. How to tell his best friend, who has just lost her grandfather, that he wouldn’t be going home with her; how to justify it.

He sighed, shifting his position from where he sat on the roof of the hospital building. Lan Fan would be with him soon, Ling had asked her earlier to meet him there, and she had obliged with little protest, although he could see confusion in her eyes.

Ling’s mind was still plagued by the feeling that Greed had left him with. He hadn’t felt comfortable in his own skin for the past few months. He hadn’t been able to be himself, he had been forced to watch his body act under the control of somebody else. He had been trapped in his own mind, barely able to make his own decisions, forced to watch as things happened that he couldn’t control. Ling wasn’t able to sleep at night, nor could he shake the strange feeling from his bones. Nothing felt right anymore. 

He kicked his legs, watching them against the sheer blue of the sky. Ling much preferred the roof of the hospital than its long, gray halls. He felt bad for Alphonse, who could barely leave his own bed, and for Edward, who would no doubt love to be out of this place, but stayed with his brother.

He watched people exit and enter the building, some carrying flowers and cards, some empty-handed. The people of Amestris were paying their respects to the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother, whom has saved the world as they knew it. Ling let out a laugh, he knew that Edward had quickly grown tired of his reputation. He had changed so much since the events of the Promised Day. Both of them had.

_Shit. _Now _that _was a feeling that Ling had been trying to avoid: the _Edward_ _feeling_. The feeling that, perhaps, made him even more confused than the post-Greed ache. 

Ling knew that the others had noticed his uncharacteristically quiet disposition. His friends looked at him differently, as if something wasn’t quite right. Ling wasn’t sure how long it would take until he felt better; how long until he could look at himself without seeing Greed, without seeing pain and confusion and struggle. How long Ling had to wait until his mind clicked back into place. 

He couldn’t return home; as much as it hurt him to see his best friend leave with her grandfather’s dead body. Ling wasn’t ready, and they understood. Ling was the only Xingese heir to obtain the means to immortality: it wouldn’t matter if he arrived ten _ years _ late. He didn’t anticipate anyone else in the royal family finding anything close to a Philosopher’s Stone, at least not for a while. Ling could buy himself some time. Even Mei Chang wouldn’t steal the throne from underneath him in his absence.

_ Would that be such a bad thing, though? _

* * *

He had stayed with the Elric brothers and the Rockbells at their home in Resembool for a while, waiting, praying, for them to recover. He found himself delighting in the company of their grandmother, Pinako, who reminded him of Fu. She cooked excellent meals, along with Winry, and for that alone he was more than willing to stay with them.

Winry soon started taking trips back to Rush Valley, where she had become a household name as a famous automail mechanic. Her time with the Elrics lessened as Alphonse recovered, and when Ling heard that she had fallen in love with a girl named Paninya, he understood why her temperament had been so optimistic even throughout Al and Ed’s worst days. Ling was a touch jealous; Winry had the seemingly fairytale-like love that he’d always (foolishly) dreamed of. 

On bad days, he felt as if he was still watching Edward through Greed’s eyes because he could not do much to assist him as Edward recovered from the physical toll that his journey had bestowed upon him. Ling wished that he could bear at least some of Edward’s pain, that by some cosmic miracle, he could take away Edward’s ailments, even if it meant suffering through them himself.

Ling’s worst days were Edward’s worst days, those were the days that the Stone tempted him the most. Part of him wanted to split the stone in half and give one half to Edward and the other to Alphonse so that they would always be safe and healthy — but Ling knew that he couldn’t do that. It just wasn’t that simple.

* * *

“I’m leaving.”

The entire table turned to look at Edward, who had just spoken the exact words that Ling had been dreading to hear for the weeks he’d spent with the Rockbell-Elric family.

“Edward, you’ve barely healed!” Pinako exclaimed. “You still need time for your leg to heal, not to mention your arm —”

“Yes, brother!” Alphonse exclaimed, looking Edward straight in the eyes. “You can’t go risking your health, especially now that we’ve got our bodies back! We can’t afford to lose them again!” His last sentence sounded to be somewhat in jest, but it seemed to hit a nerve.

“I’ll be okay.” Edward said. He scraped his soup bowl with the curve of his spoon. “I’m not gonna do anything stupid. I just need time.”

“Time?” Ling interjected, before anyone else could. “Time for what?” His voice was sharp and Edward jerked his head up in mild surprise.

The boy looked like he was growing uneasier with every passing question. “I dunno, I just need to get away from everything. I - I need to think.”

Ling stared at him. Edward stubbornly refused to meet his eyes. His face was all crinkled like it was whenever he was flushed or annoyed. Sometimes it’s crinkle when he tried to choke back laughter when Ling said something funny (an attempt to insult his pride that _ completely _backfired: Ed’s crinkle-face was cute).

“That’s why you’re here.” Winry said, her voice a little softer than Ling’s had been. “Ed, you’re here to get better. We’re all here to help you and Al recover, and we need to know that you’re okay.”

“I told you, I’m not doing anything risky or stupid. I need time away. I need to figure a few things out.” Edward was still staring down his spoon as if it had just threatened him, his fingers twitching against the table. “My health isn’t _ that _bad and you know it. All I’m asking for is a few months —”

_ “Months?!” _ Alphonse nearly yelled. Ling turned to glance at the boy, who was very visibly shaken. “You can’t leave for _ months! _ You — !”

“Alphonse,” Edward had finally looked up at his brother. “I'm gonna be okay. I _ am _okay, I promise. I just need some personal time. You’ll still be here in a few months, and I’ll visit like I always do.” He hesitated for a moment. “Just — remember some of the stuff I told you about? It’s — it’s about that.”

Al’s composure settled after Edward had finished talking, and Ling was suddenly _ very _interested about what Ed and Al knew and he didn’t. He wouldn’t dare ask, of course, that would be quite rude of him.

Neither Granny Pinako nor Winry said anything, so Ling decided to keep his mouth shut. 

“Okay,” Al said, finally, raising his head. “I understand.”

Ed smiled at Al, got up from his seat, and left his bowl in the sink as he walked away. The dinner table was silent for the remainder of the night, and soon Ling found himself too uncomfortable to sit any longer, so he, too, left to the confinements of his room.

* * *

_ “He should know better, just announcing that he’s leaving like it’s no big deal!” _

_ “He was gonna do it sooner or later.” _

Silence.

Ling had been listening to Winry and Pinako’s back and forth, hoping to catch even a tidbit of information that would point towards what had motivated Edward to decide to leave Resembool. Unfortunately, it seemed that the Rockbells were no more informed than Ling was on the subject matter.

_ “This is just the kind of shit he would pull, leaving right when he’s barely passable as healthy.” _That was Winry.

_ “He is a free spirit.” _ Pinako hummed, and then chuckled. _ “He’s restless, Winry. If Ed believes that leaving will stave the restlessness, he will leave.” _

_ “I just wish he could see that he’s leaving all of us who care about him to worry! If something were to happen to him, I couldn’t do a damn thing about it!” _

Silence again. Perhaps Pinako was lighting a cigarette.

_ “Just like his brother and the Prince, you do know that Edward’s wounds are not just physical, right, Winry?” _Pinako’s voice was quiet and devoid of any sarcasm. Ling felt something twisting in his stomach.

_ “Yes.” _

_ “The boy needs to get away. He needs to do some thinking, about what, I’m not quite sure, but I’m sure he will feel better after this escapade. It’ll clear his head, set his priorities straight.” _

A sigh. _ “I know.” _

_ “Then you better not complain too much, you’ve been spending half your time in Rush Valley with that girl of yours, anyways.” _

_ “I do _ VERY _ important work in Rush Valley!” _

Ling didn’t need to hear the rest.

He had no inkling of an idea about what he would do next. With Edward gone, he would have little need to stay with the Rockbells when Alphonse was fully recovered. Wasn’t that the whole point of his extended stay in Amestris? To be there for Edward (and the rest of his family, of course)?

He didn’t want to seem like he was taking pity upon him, as he knew Edward would surely bite off his arm for that. Hell, Ling wasn’t sure how to deal with his own mental predicament and he just wasn’t sure how to spin the _ hey, I totally understand what you’re going through, also, I care for you deeply _angle on Edward yet.

_ I say ‘yet’ like I ever will, at this point. _

And then there was a knock at his door, and Ling’s heart tripped and fell into his ribcage.

“Come in!” He called, a little bit louder than he should have.

The door creaked open, light washing into Ling’s room, and there was Edward, his hand gripping the doorknob as if he was about to fall over.

“Hey,” Ed started, his voice low, the light of the hallway illuminating his silhouette like a halo.

“Hello.” Ling sat up further in his bed.

Palpable silence. Then, the shuffling of Edward’s boots.

“Come with me.” Edward blurted. Ling desperately wished he could see Edward’s expression, but the sliver of torchlight from the hallway wasn’t enough to illuminate the other man’s face. 

“Edward —”

A rustling of sheets. His light-framed figure growing closer. 

“I mean it, Ling!” Ed insisted. His voice was raw, and there was a note of desperation in it that made Ling’s heart wrench. “When I leave, come with me.”

Ling was in shock; he expected Edward to continue speaking but the boy just… _ stood _ there, stared at him like he’d never done before. There was an awful burning, _ itching _feeling underneath Ling’s skin, but he could think of nothing to say except the raw truth.

“Yes,” Ling replied, his voice hoarse. “Yeah, of course I will, Ed.”

There was an undefinable tension in the guest room: perhaps a mix of uncertainty and unconfronted emotions. _ I’d follow you anywhere, dumbass! Don’t you know that? _Ling’s stomach twisted with the effort not to yell some sappy one-liner or confess his undying love. Instead, he folded his hands in his lap and grinned.

“Anything else I can do for you, Ed?” He asked.

“N-no. That was it.” Edward stutters. His newfound gusto had evaporated as quickly as it had came.

The blonde turned to leave Ling in his room. _ No, don’t do that! _he thought, watching mournfully as Edward turned the doorknob and took a step into the golden-lit hallway.

“Thank you, Ling.” Edward said. The tenderness in his voice was unmistakable and holy _ hell _did it take all of Ling’s self control not to curl up into a ball like a lovestruck teenager (which, to be fair, he was) and yell into his pillow. “G’night.”

Ling’s response was lost on his lips when he realized that nothing he could say would compare to the soft voice with which Ed had just spoken to him.

* * *

Ed had found a cottage made of birchwood deeper in the Resembool countryside. Some bits of the walls were rotting and Ling discovered a new type of insect every day, but he really, _ really _ couldn’t complain, considering he’d (for all intents and purposes) _ eloped _with the man he was hopelessly in love with.

The Stone had remained in his pocket for a few weeks. He could forget about it, at least once and while, but it weighed heavy against his side. He could almost _ hear _Greed taunting him, calling him a coward, wanting a body to occupy again. Ling chose not to hear him; chose to keep the Stone away from the world. He knew what kind of havoc the Homunculi had wrecked upon Amestris and Xerxes and Ishval… Upon Edward and Lan Fan and Fu and Alphonse and every path he had crossed since he had left Central as Greed.

Ling had taken out the Stone a few times to look at it, to contemplate his mistake, but he had chosen to keep it out of his sight for the majority of the time he spent in the countryside, tucking it into his dresser amidst folded clothing.

He’d had nightmares about the Stone finding a way back to him, or even Edward. It didn’t matter how, but the dreams always ended with Greed back in Ling’s body, or Greed inhabiting Edward, neither of which were ideal situations. Ling thought that if he guarded the Stone like Lan Fan and Fu had guarded him, nobody could get to it and the world would continue on without Greed and the needless suffering he would bring.

In the following weeks, Ling felt just a little better. He spent more time out of the house and even did a little exploring. He had found a creek, frothy and bubbling with clear and cold water, just a while away from where they lived. It was such a small thing, but it was absolutely marvellous to Ling. There was a childish wonder in something so simple. He would watch for fish to swim with the current and for dragonflies to buzz by.

“It’s a creek.” Edward had said pointedly when Ling had suggested they take a walk to explore their surroundings. The prince had offered nothing in response, so Edward knelt down and sat beside him in the lush grass.

They watched as a small golden fish moseyed along the current, its scales flashing in the dappled sunlight, before it disappeared from their line of sight.

“Wouldn’t you like to be a fish sometimes?” Ling said, not bothering to think about the ambiguity of his words, but he did not correct himself, nor change the subject; Ling had learned how to be quiet over the past few weeks.

“I can’t say I’ve ever thought about it.” Edward responded, managing to keep any exasperation out of his tone. Edward had learned how to be quieter, too.

“You wouldn’t have to worry about anything at all,” Ling continued. “You could follow the flow of the water for your entire life. You wouldn’t have to make any choices, or solve any problems, or even think.”

Edward was silent for a moment. He, more than anyone, knew how much Ling was feeling and how little he knew about how to deal with it. Ling knew he wouldn’t be mean or rude to him for the sake of it. He knew Ed would listen to him talk about nonsensical bullshit until Ling was out of bullshit to spout. They had a mutual understanding. A tolerance.

“I read about fish that can live in both freshwater and saltwater,” Ed said, relaxing into his spot on the earth. “Salmon. They were able to adapt to both conditions. They would swim against the current just to reach the place of their birth so that they could lay eggs there. The cycle continues on and on, the salmon return to the same place every time.”

“They sound like busy fish,” Ling murmured, appreciative that Edward was trying to make the conversation two-sided.

Ling could listen to Edward explain the same thing over and over again and never grow bored of it; never grow bored of the way his voice changed when he was excited, or the way his golden eyes glinted when he talked about something he found truly fascinating. Edward valued the pursuit of knowledge over almost nearly anything, Ling thought. It was cute.

“Even a small creature like a fish can have an important life.” Ed continued, his voice lilting the way it did when he was about to tell Ling something of significance. “Everything small adds up to something a little bit bigger, and that thing is part of an even bigger thing, and so on. We’re all part of something that’s too complex for us to understand.”

“That’s part of your alchemy, isn’t it?” Ling smiled, already knowing the answer.

“Of course!” Edward exclaimed, knocking shoulders with him. “It all adds up, everything is part of a whole, that’s _ basic _fucking alchemy.”

“I never learned alchemy,” Ling said in a matter-of-fact way. “But I should be an expert by now, just by being around you for so long.”

Edward snorted, and both of them fell silent as Ling chastised himself for not choosing better words. Edward had given up his alchemy to save the body and soul of his brother Alphonse. Ling knew that it was a sensitive subject, as alchemy was a fundamental part of Edward’s identity and reputation, and Ed was still grieving the loss of it.

“I’m sorry.” Ling whispered.

Edward didn’t respond. He didn’t enjoy pity. Ling wasn’t pitying Edward, he was truly sorry for his slip of tongue, but if he continued speaking he would surely mess up their conversation even more.

Ling’s gaze moved to the wildflowers that dotted the grass around them. They were bright yellow and violet and royal blue, quite pretty, if you asked him. He plucked one from the soil and twirled it absentmindedly between his fingers, watching as the petals floated slowly to lie amongst the blades of grass beneath them. He smiled.

“Back in Xing, there was an old folk story they used to tell us as children,” Ling started, still watching the petals fall. “They said that if you love someone, you could pluck the petals from a flower to find out if they truly loved you back.”

Edward met his eyes for the first time since he had arrived by the stream. Ling turned to pick another flower, this one honey gold, the same as Ed’s eyes. “He loves me,” he said, and pulled a petal. “He loves me not.” They fell mournfully to the ground.

Edward shifted his arms. “And what does that have to do with anything?” He was still looking at Ling as if he were a puzzle that he had not quite yet solved. 

Ling shrugged. “Nothing. The flowers just reminded me of it.” With that, he continued to desecrate the flower. _ He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not… _

Edward snorted, looking down at the rippling water. “What dumbass thought up that one?” He asked, although Ling probably wasn’t supposed to answer. “You shouldn’t base something like _ love _ on the petals of a flower.”

_ He loves me... _

“And what do you have to say on it? Are you a _ love guru?” _Ling leaned toward Edward as he finished his sentence, wiggling his eyebrows. Ed yelped and pushed him back, scratching at his flushed face before talking.

_ He loves me not… _

“Hell no!” He sputtered, and Ling laughed at that. “I just think that… I don’t know, you probably shouldn’t put your trust in a fucking flower of all things I’d base my choices on what my brain tells me, and I’ll have you know, I’m a goddamn genius.” Edward tapped his forehead with his finger and looked at Ling for a moment, before turning his gaze downwards once again.

_ He loves me. _

Ling chuckled again, dropping the remains of his flower into the grass and leaned back. “You do that.”

* * *

The quiet evenings were a blessing, Ling thought. He could sit on the earth and thread his fingers through springy, green grass as the sun resigned for the evening. That night, Edward sat with him. He’d been gradually coming out of his shell ever since they’d left Resembool; he wouldn’t flinch at mere touches or ramble aimlessly when there was empty silence to be filled.

Ling was going to break their respite with a wisecrack or an offbeat comment, until Edward beat him to it. His voice was uncharacteristically soft and hesitant. “Why’d you come with me?”

Ling was confused, but he put on his usual ignorant façade and grinned. He jerked his head to the other boy. “You asked me to, Ed.”

The blond scoffed and refused to meet his gaze. “I didn’t _ force _you to come. You could’ve refused.”

Ling blinked and shifted his position so his body was facing Ed. “I don’t understand, Edward, I wouldn’t have joined you if I didn’t want to.”

A pause. Edward’s bangs flew into his face as the breeze picked up.

_ “Why, _ though? This is your last hurrah, isn’t it? You’ll go back to Xing and - and I’ll be _ here, _ still, and you have the nerve to be so — ” Edward gestured aimlessly at him. “Fuck, I don’t know! That bullshit you pulled earlier with the flowers? Y-you can’t just _ do _that and then act like it was nothing!”

“What do you mean?” Dread was setting in, plaguing Ling’s inner monologue. “C’mon, Ed, be frank with me, here. _ What _ are you implying?”

“I-I don’t know!” Edward yelped. “You’re — you’re gonna go back to Xing and marry a bunch a’ women and have a million babies!” He ran a hand through flaxen bangs. “And I’m not like that! I can’t move on! A-and here I am deluding myself into thinking that _ I — _ shit, you’re gonna be the _ emperor, _Ling! I can’t compare.”

“Shut up.” Ling commanded in the hardest voice he could manage. “You always do this! You’re not a worthless piece of garbage for me to crush under my foot! People _ care _ for you, asshole! I - I stayed behind for _ you _ , Edward! You think I did that out of pity? Do you think everything we went through together was _ nothing?” _

“You can’t keep saying those things!” Edward nearly shrieked. His voice was shrill and manic. “You have _ no fucking idea _ how hard it is to hear you talk like this and look at me the way you do when I know you’re gonna leave and move on and I can’t _ fucking deal _ with that!”

Ling’s heart plummeted as he began to dissect what Edward had said. _ Does he think I’m toying with him? Hell, does he actually reciprocate my feelings? How could he ever think I’d _ leave _ him like this? _

“That’s why — that’s why I never should’ve fucking done this!” The alchemist hissed. “We can’t! _ I _ can’t do this when I know that you’re gonna have to leave one way or another! Damnit, how can you be so fucking _ calm?!” _

“I’m not leaving, Ed!” Ling yelled. “I’m not going back to Xing! I don’t _ want _to go back!”

Dumbfounded, Edward stared at Ling with a hallowed expression. His lower lip quivered. Appropriately, the light breeze had stopped, leaving only thick, stagnant air between the two of them. The only thing keeping Ling from running and hiding was the pure adrenaline rushing through his veins.

“I meant every word I said, I swear it! I wouldn’t _ lie _to you, Edward! I’m offended you’d even think me capable of stooping that low!” Ling paused for a haggered breath, but Edward interrupted before he could continue.

“And what about Lan Fan?” Edward spat. His fingers curled into fists and he dug his boots further into the soil. His voice was hostile — _ jealous, _even.

“I’m not in _ love _ with _ Lan Fan!” _

“Shit.” Edward mumbled. He brought his hand up to his forehead. _ “Fuck, _Ling.”

There was no way to back out of this situation easily. Besides, the way Ed spoke to him — there was no way Edward thought of them as _ just friends, _right? 

Ling took a deep breath and steeled his nerves the way Lan Fan had tried to teach him when they were younger. She’d teased him about his undignified nature and that _ she _ seemed more princely than he. _ I can do this. Lan Fan wouldn’t back out like this. I need to stop running. _

“I don’t want to be married off, I don’t want to sit on a throne all day, I don’t want to have children with a bunch of unnamed women! I want to be with _ you _, Ed, but I don’t know how to make you believe me!” 

“What about your clan?” Edward asked. His voice was monotonous, yet nearly as soft as it had been the night he’d asked Ling to leave.

Ling took a breath. “I’m going to meet with Mei Chang. I trust her to do the right thing. I’ll give her the stone, and she’ll take care of my clan — she’ll take care of all of Xing — I know it for sure.”

He thought he heard Edward laugh and his heart practically soared at the sound. “You never wanted to be emperor, did you?”

“Maybe, I’m not sure.” Ling tapped his fingers together. “I couldn’t bear that lifestyle; it’s so boring, really. I am also not… _ Interested _in women. I can’t fathom having so many kids!”

“Mei wants it, though,” Edward affirmed. “Lan Fan and Scar will be by her side, no doubt about it.”

“She’ll be a great ruler.” Ling paused. “Have I convinced you yet?” 

Edward’s hand fell back and fidgeted at his side. His eyes met Ling’s, golden even in the dying light of the evening. His cheeks were ruddy and his lips twisted up into a repressed grin. “Yeah, asshole. I think you have.”

This time, Ling’s grin was genuine, and he could tell that Edward’s was, too, when they shared a hasty kiss. The other’s hands were shaky when they parted, so Ling clasped them in his own, partly to (hopefully) comfort him, and partly because he never thought he’d have a chance to do so.

“Imagine the fuckin’ gossip.” Edward scoffed. _ “Runaway Xingese idiot prince caught kissing war hero Fullmetal Alchemist. _Can already see it in the papers.”

Ling pouted. “Why am I the idiot in this situation?” Edward had to bite back a rebuttal when Ling kissed his open mouth.

“They don’t have to know.” Ling suggested, knocking their noses and pressing his forehead against Ed’s.

“...Fair enough.” Edward conceded, and the moon was their only company as they rejoiced in its light.


End file.
